Yesterday is Gone
by duplicitywrites
Summary: Part of the 'Darling, Can I Call You Home' universe. / Sirius Black took Harry in after the deaths of James and Lily. This is the story of how it came about and how, many years later, Sirius finally finds closure. (COMPLETE.)


A/N:

this takes place before the events of 'darling, can i call you home?'.

however, if you haven't read that story, you will need to in order to understand everything in this story, basically.

side note: tbh the bellatrix plotline always kind of bothered me in the main story (mostly because it didn't interest me that much beyond setting the background), so hopefully this makes it a bit better

* * *

**Yesterday is Gone**

* * *

Sirius was at a Halloween party in London when he felt the wards fail. Not the wards on his ancestral family home—he had broken ties with his parents years ago—but the one place he truly considered home, more so even than his own flat.

He was tied into the wards on Potter Cottage, which was home to James, Lily, and their one-year-old son, Harry.

Surrounded by Muggles, there was little Sirius could except scramble for the window, praying that there was no one hanging about for a smoke so he could Apparate directly to the house.

The crowd was heavy, and so it took precious seconds for Sirius to shove his way through to the window and crawl out onto the fire escape.

Someone was there smoking, of course, and so Sirius pushed past them and clambered down the metal steps, stopping a short way up from the bottom floor and leaping off and into the alleyway, which was thankfully devoid of any other Muggles.

He had to get to the Potters.

This thought carried him to action as his eyes shut and his surroundings twisted around him, squeezing him through the Apparition process. Sirius reappeared with a pop just outside the gate, wand in hand, ripping his motorbike helmet off and tossing it aside for now, so that he had the freedom to look about properly.

The prickling on the back of his neck that had begun as soon as his connection to the Potter wards had shaken was now intensified to the point of distraction. Sirius shook his head to dispel the sensation as he ran headlong towards the house, fearful of what he would find there.

Through the front hall, which was empty, and into the living room, utterly ruined and definitely not empty, because there was—

* * *

Sirius could hear the sounds of spellfire and screaming echoing in his head.

But the nursery was quiet, save for the soft noises of the boy cradled in his arms. The scenario in Sirius' head had already played itself out, and two of the people he loved most in the world were gone.

Baby Harry hiccuped, his tiny fist slamming into Sirius' shoulder with all the impact of a stuffed teddy bear. Sirius stroked Harry's head, shushing him absently. They had to leave this place and go somewhere safe. Somewhere safe.

"Don't worry, pup," Sirius whispered. "I will make things right."

Harry squirmed again, and Sirius could tell that the little boy was working his way up to a proper wail, so he adjusted his position, holding Harry closer still, rocking him gently.

"Mmhhnnh," said Harry, his face buried against the soft leather of Sirius' jacket.

"I know," Sirius told him. "I know. Let's go."

With a wave of his wand, Sirius gathered up the necessary items. Lily had always kept a tidy home, and so it was easy for him to summon the bag of essentials she had left packed for quick outings.

Next was the crib. Sirius shrunk it down to the size of a stapler and slid it into his pocket. Everything else he could come back for later. Later, when Harry was safe and the rest was taken care of.

Sirius grabbed an extra blanket, one of the tiny, baby-sized ones, wrapping it around Harry's shoulders and tucking the edges into the collar of his lion-patterned pyjamas. The motion caused Harry's head to lift, luminous green eyes peeking up from underneath the fringe of dark lashes.

"Brave boy," Sirius said. "We're going to go see Uncle Moony, alright?"

"Moo-nee," Harry mumbled.

Sirius murmured some nonsense in response, then turned on the spot.

* * *

Bellatrix Lestrange took her chosen targets very seriously. Her victims were researched, their habits documented, their weaknesses measured. Bellatrix chose those who opposed her, those who annoyed her, and, occasionally, she chose at random. Ever since what had happened to Frank and Alice, people were more reluctant to leave their homes and visit each other, and people were even more reluctant to visit the Potters, as James was a high-profile target given his rank at the Ministry.

James was Head Auror, outspoken and well-known for being firm-handed with justice. Lily was a Charms Mistress, renowned for her original spell developments, and a Muggleborn to boot.

It was because of this that Lily and James had taken the additional precaution of employing the Fidelius Charm on their home. Lily was skilled enough and powerful enough to cast it, and there had been little reason not to do so. From there, it had been only a matter of deciding who their Secret Keeper would be.

Of course, the first choice had been Sirius. Sirius loved James as much as he did Regulus, loved him like family, and that family extended to Lily, who was the sister he could have had.

But Sirius knew he was just as much of a target as they were, if not more so, because Bellatrix was his cousin, and they had hated each other for years, long before Bellatrix had decided to become a deranged serial killer.

And so they had gone with Peter Pettigrew.

Peter, who was quiet and unassuming, who went out of his way to play up the achievements of his friends, who portrayed himself as a sidekick more than anything else.

Sirius had sworn up and down that this made sense, because no one would suspect them of choosing Peter for the task when Sirius was the clear choice, the _obvious _choice. But this snap decision had been made on the day of the deed, with James and Lily sealing themselves away, their location known only to Peter, who had passed it to Sirius.

And Sirius, who was closer to James and Lily than any of the Marauders, who would have died for them in a heartbeat, knew that his poor decision had been what led them to their deaths.

* * *

Moony's flat was nothing much to look at on the outside. It was a shitty building with shittier heating and cooling, but it was fine for Moony, who had magic to augment almost everything.

It was well on its way to three in the morning when Sirius knocked on the door. Harry was half-asleep and balanced in his other arm.

Minutes ticked by, and Sirius raised his hand, prepared to knock again, louder if need be, when the door swung open, revealing the weary face of Remus Lupin.

"Sirius?" Remus blinked twice as he took in the sight of Harry bundled in Sirius' arms.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but the words failed him. Instead, he pushed his way past Remus and into the flat, pulling the shrunken crib from his pocket and setting it upon the rug in the middle of the room. Then he pulled out his wand, enlarging the crib back to its usual size.

Remus was quiet, but then he asked, "Sirius, what happened?"

Sirius set Harry down into the crib, careful not to jerk him too much. As if on cue, Harry yawned, his fist working its way towards his mouth. Slowly, slowly, and then the knuckles bumped against the pink lips, muffling the remainder of the sound.

"James and Lily are dead."

Remus froze, face paling, and then he staggered over to the sofa, dropping into it, his head falling into his hands with a low moan.

"Harry is sleeping," Sirius whispered blankly, his eyes fixed on the small figure in the crib. It was suddenly imperative that Harry not wake up, that he be allowed to sleep and dream of a world where his parents still existed and everything was okay.

Remus made another noise, a softer one, and that prompted Sirius to snap out of it. He strode over to the couch, gathering his friend into his arms.

They sat like that for a while, until the tremors subsided and Sirius' throat was unclogged enough to speak.

"It wasn't me," he said, cracking, splintering. "I didn't tell—I didn't, you have to believe me, Remus. I would _never_—"

"I know," said Remus. "I know you wouldn't, Sirius, but how? What happened?"

"It was Peter." Somehow, saying this aloud solidified the fact that Sirius had subconsciously known since he'd entered the Potter home, since he'd found the bodies. "Peter was the Secret Keeper."

And then Sirius stood up, because here, at last, was something he could _do. _A betrayal to address. A wrong to set right.

Remus must have known right away what his intentions were, because he also stood. "Sirius, no, you cannot, you _must _not."

"It's been less than a _week_, Remus," Sirius said, his voice firming with conviction as he spoke. This was what had to be done. This was how he could make things right, at least a little. Something to assuage the torrent of guilt that he was sure would overtake him soon. "It had to be him. There's no way Bellatrix could have known where they were except from him. How else could she have discovered the location so quickly?"

"He's our friend."

"She might have captured him, or tortured him," Sirius said. "But I need to find him, Remus. I can't—he can't—" He shuddered, full-body from head to toe, then continued, "If he did this, I'll kill him myself. But I _will _find out the truth."

"You're not thinking straight," Remus pleaded. He was whispering, but the tone was all wrong—he was terrified, his hands stretching out to grasp at Sirius' jacket sleeves, the fingers shaking with nerves. "Please, Sirius, think of what they would want. You're Harry's godfather. You must stay here with me, with him. Don't be rash. Don't—don't make me lose you, too. Please."

"You won't," Sirius promised, smiling slightly in the hopes of calming Remus down. "You won't lose me. I can handle myself, I promise. If I don't find Peter, or if I see Bellatrix, I'll come straight back here."

But if Peter _had _done this, then Sirius would find his revenge.

* * *

It was some hours later—hours and hours and hours, long after the sun had risen and passed the point in the sky that signalled midday—that Sirius returned to Remus' flat.

One look was all that Sirius offered, and Remus' eyes fell shut once again, only this time it was a different sort of grief that shadowed his pale features. He was still dressed in the same shabby pyjamas he'd been wearing when Sirius had first come to drop Harry off.

The two men stepped into the flat and sat back down on the couch. Harry was awake and munching on cut-up pieces of a banana, his eyes wide as he observed his caretakers.

"What will we do now?" Remus asked, pulling Harry onto his lap.

Sirius retrieved the papers he'd taken from his flat out of the pocket inside his jacket and tossed them onto the small coffee table.

"I bring my report to the Auror office," said Sirius. He'd been awake for well over twenty-four hours by now, but any fatigue that existed in him had yet to make itself known. His dearest friends were dead, he had avenged them, somewhat, and he now had a plan to ensure that everything would turn out alright. "Peter was the Secret Keeper, Bellatrix went and killed him for the secret, and—and James and Lily died because of it."

Remus looked down at Harry, who was strangely solemn as he blinked at them, his chubby hand cramming another piece of banana into his mouth. "And you'll raise him?"

The answer to this was obvious. "We'll raise him together."

"A werewolf's home is no place for a baby, Sirius." Remus' mouth fell into a flat line, his brows shifting downwards. "He can't stay here."

"Then you'll help me raise him," Sirius amended. "And Harry will live with me."

Remus summoned a tissue from across the living room and mopped at Harry's face. "You should get some rest," Remus said eventually. "You've been awake too long. I can keep Harry here for now."

Sirius didn't want to sleep. He knew that once he was alone in his bed, alone with his failures, he would fall apart completely. "I'm fine," Sirius said, his voice ringing, hollow and distant, in his own ears.

"You can take my bed," Remus said mildly. "Harry and I will be right out here, waiting for you."

"I need to drop off this report first," Sirius said. "And they'll want to take my statement."

Remus heaved a sigh, and the puff of air sent Harry's tufts of dark hair fluttering, which made Harry giggle. "If you must," he said. The plate of banana chunks levitated into the air and deposited itself onto Harry's lap, so that it was now within the toddler's reach.

"Things will be alright, Remus." Sirius placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and gave a squeeze. The weariness was seeping into him now, in his head and in his bones, and Sirius knew that soon he would break down properly, would feel the grief he had buried underneath his anger. But before he did that, before he submitted to any of that, there was a bit more work to be done.

"I hope so. But I wonder why she left him behind," Remus said, nodding to Harry.

Sirius knew why. "It's more tragic, in her mind. To leave a child without parents. Probably thought it'd be good fun. Or maybe she draws the line at killing babies," he added, bitterness twisting the tone.

Remus sighed again, this time melancholy, and rubbed at Harry's back while the boy hiccoughed slightly. "Harry's still so young."

Sirius eyed the young toddler balanced on Remus' lap. So like James, except for the eyes. "We will love him enough for the both of them," Sirius said softly. "And when he's old enough, we'll tell him the truth of what happened."

"About Peter?"

The name made Sirius falter.

It was Sirius' fault that Harry was now an orphan. He had told them to use Pettigrew for the Fidelius. To admit to Harry, even on some unknown day far in the future, that he had been responsible for the death of James and Lily… it was too painful. The little boy in front of him still had no idea that his entire world had been changed last night.

"Nevermind that for now," Sirius said, standing. "I'll come back soon, and I promise I will get some sleep then."

Remus was frowning still, but his arms were wrapped securely around Harry, who had rediscovered the banana pieces and was now stuffing more into his mouth.

"Be careful," Remus said. _Don't get caught. _

"I won't," Sirius said. Nothing on earth would have the power to separate him from his godson. He had a duty to keep Harry safe from harm, to raise him in a home of love and care, and he would fulfill those duties no matter what.

* * *

**_._**

**_Twenty-Nine Years Later_**

**_._**

Sirius was visiting Regulus in Canada when the rush edition of the Daily Prophet arrived.

In Upper Flagley, Aurors had discovered the remains of Undesirable No. 1, Bellatrix Lestrange.

At first, there was relief. The part of his life that had haunted him for so long was finally put to rest. Bellatrix was dead. His cousin was dead. James and Lily, wherever they now were, had been truly avenged.

There had been moments over the decades when Sirius had been sorely tempted to chase after her, to hunt her down and end her—what had stayed his wand was Harry. Harry, and the vow he had once made with himself to uphold the duties of being Harry's godfather.

A deadman could not be a godfather, and Sirius had not been foolish enough to believe that he could defeat both his cousin and her husband in a duel.

And though Harry was older now (and married), somehow the idea of revenge had lost its appeal. Sirius wanted to enjoy the time he had, with his brother, with Harry, with Remus, with his _family. _

But now Bellatrix was dead, and Sirius would never have to worry about her ever again.

Emotional rollercoaster done, Sirius lifted the paper back up and began to read in earnest. He read it. And then he read it again.

And then he burst in on Regulus, who was in the shower, to ask him if _he _had ever taught the body-dismemberment spell to anyone before—a question which resulted in a resounding "No, Sirius, now get the fuck out of my bathroom!" and a shampoo bottle being thrown at his head.

Message received, Sirius wandered back into the dining room to think further, and then, quite suddenly, the identity of the perpetrator swam to the forefront of his mind.

Because ten years ago, Sirius had planned Tom Marvolo Riddle's bachelor party, where he had made Tom an honorary Marauder and taught him the spells to remove someone's limbs from their body.

"That sneaky bastard," Sirius said aloud, admiring. It helped to know that he had assisted Tom, however distantly, in Bellatrix's demise.

Reading the article again, Voldemort's identity made a lot of sense. Giant floating snake emblem simply screamed 'Slytherin dramatics', and Sirius knew that Tom still dabbled from time to time in the Dark Arts.

But there was another feeling tucked in with the surprise and the relief. Sirius frowned, trying to place it. Bellatrix was dead, and he was relieved that she was gone, but there was something else that stretched beyond that relief.

Tom had done what Sirius could not. Tom had given Harry closure—or, at least, something nearly there—and Sirius was grateful for it. He was grateful, and he was glad to know that there existed someone else in the world who would go to such lengths to protect his godson from harm.

It was not a small thing, to become a murderer. Sirius had carried his burden of guilt out of shame and duty, though he never regretted taking Pettigrew's life.

But Tom was young, strong, and powerful, and Sirius knew that Tom would continue to keep Harry safe after Sirius was gone, no matter what.

"Okay, what's got you all riled up?"

Regulus was out of the bathroom now, and his hair was twisted up into one of those towel hats.

Silently, Sirius held up the newspaper.

Regulus stared for a moment, then said, "Bellatrix is dead, and the first thing you went and did was assault me in my bathroom to see if I did it?"

"I did not _assault_—" Sirius protested. "It was a perfectly reasonable question!"

Regulus walked over to nab the paper and read it.

"And I wasn't asking if you'd done it," Sirius continued. "I wanted to know if you'd taught the spell to anyone else!"

"Shut up, I'm reading."

Just for the hell of it, Sirius aimed a kick, but Regulus danced out of the way, his eyes still scanning the article. When he was finished, he folded the paper back up and set it on the counter.

"So do you have any idea of who actually did this?"

Sirius paused. "Maybe."

"Merlin's sake," said Regulus. "How are _you_ the older brother? Should I be worried about this?" he asked, shaking a hand at the paper.

Sirius shook his head.

"Okay. Good enough, I suppose. Glad that bitch is finally gone." Regulus stared at the headline a moment longer, then dragged his gaze away, removing the towel on his head and wandlessly drying his hair.

"You and me both, brother. You and me both."

Sirius picked the paper back up. The front page photographs were split half-Bellatrix, half-Dark Mark. The photo of Bellatrix had been taken during her youth, when she had been beautiful, almost hauntingly so, and mostly sane. Still, Sirius could see the way her lips could twist into a snarl, the flash of violence that could easily slip into her eyes.

And then there was the Mark. The skull and the snake suspended in the air, ghostly but prominent, a vibrant, sickly green. Artistic, elegant, and only vaguely reminiscent of the snake Harry had worn on the back of his wedding attire.

"You know what?" Sirius mused. "I think I'll be spending this Christmas at Hogwarts. And you should come, too."

"Mmm, I don't know if I'll be able to get away by then. Some of the Hippogryffs have caught this weird illness, and I think I'll have to develop the medication from scratch—"

"If you want to spend the holidays with your girlfriend, that's fine," Sirius interjected loudly. "You don't need to make excuses, Reg, we're both grown adults—"

Regulus clapped his hands over his ears. "Going to my room now, bye."

"I am happy with whatever you decide!" Sirius called after him. Then, once Regulus had left the room, he added to himself, "Though I would like to meet her someday. It's been, what, fifteen years? Kids these days."

* * *

A/N:

thank you for reading, you can find me and my writing updates on tumblr at duplicitywrites!


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